#you know what i'll be optimistic and say two years

[lemiishine]

When i move out and get a psychiatrist and get medicated-

[minami-ff]

I Want My Kids to Have Your Eyes

Levi x Reader (fluff, sfw)

what a bold thing to say to your captain.

Moonlight hung over the hill like a comforting blanket as you both reclined an arm’s length apart on the soft grass beneath, bodies sinking into the earth. The day had been relentless, a gruelling mission that tested every ounce of strength. Now, in the quiet aftermath, you two found solace gazing upward at the summit’s view, shimmering like scattered diamonds against the canvas of the night sky.

The shared stillness remained comfortable, before you posed a soft interruption to the quietude, "Captain, do you ever think about your future?"

Levi's eyes briefly left the constellations above, attention shifting to you. "Yes, it usually ranges from the next second to the next few months. Which area of land outside the walls to explore, how defensive operations should alter for the next month, which day certain intelligen-”

“Captain-” You interrupted, then hesitated, the vulnerability of the topic making your heart race. "I meant a peaceful future, like having a family, kids?"

Levi's brow furrowed slightly. The thought of it was unfamiliar, impossible. "In this war? That’s far-fetched," he remarked, gaze returning to the stars.

A subtle smile grew on your lips as scenarios played at the back of your mind. "I know, of course, but don’t you ever imagine it? A life after the war, a future where Titans are just stories we tell our children." Levi's expression softened, a fleeting hint of wistfulness in his eyes.

"Like sometimes I think if I had children, I’d take them to play by the oceans, make adorable lunch sets," you continued, "how beautiful they would look if they had your eyes…" Embarrassment started flushing up as you realised you rambled on way too far.

His eyes widened imperceptibly, caught completely off guard by your comment.

"WAIT, that didn’t come out right. I didn’t mean having them with YOU, of course... definitely not…" You trailed off, a splash of pink painfully obvious on your cheeks. Get yourself together y/n, what on earth are you saying to your captain?

“Ouch.” A flicker of disappointment crossed his features. Levi cleared his throat, seemingly caught in the unexpected turn of the conversation. "Well aren’t you very in objection to that idea." he snickered, hiding a trace of sorrow beneath his face.

“Nevermind, I’m sorry, please forget what I said." You apologised in the tense atmosphere.

But Levi didn't dismiss it. Instead, his mind seemingly remained lost in contemplation. "How will your children have my eyes, if they don't have my genetics?" Determined to disprove your faulty reasoning.

You chuckled nervously, "I just mean I hope they’ll be a pretty colour, and delicate shape, like yours."

Levi displayed a rare vulnerability in his expression. He had never given thought to the aesthetic of his eyes; they were simply a part of him, a feature he never considered noteworthy. This was the first time he had received a compliment about them, and it left him momentarily speechless.

"At this rate, my most optimistic guesstimate is that I’ll be slaying titans till I’m 60." You broke the awkwardness joking, "in that case I might not be able to have kids, doubt any man would still take my crinkled self on a date anyway."

"Why not?" Levi replied seriously, his voice a soft echo in the tranquil night. "I won't be even a tiny bit surprised if you're still this beautiful at 85."

A blood-bathed blush adorned your complexion, stomach filling with butterflies and warmth, brain connections zapping around - wondering if he really thought that way, or,

“you’re just saying that.”

Levi sighed, “in all your years of knowing me, when have I ever felt obliged to tell a white lie, Comrade?”

"Right…” You muttered, with all sorts of thoughts doing laps beneath your skull, trying to continue the conversation as level-headed as possible. “Perhaps I'll meet my first love at 99,” a giggle escaping your breath as you joked.

Unexpectedly, Levi's response carried a weight that belied the casual banter. "Well. I think people can be in love without being in a formal relationship. You could easily have your first love now."

Your gaze laid upon his side profile, slightly puzzled by his logic, "but how can you be in love with someone without holding hands, saying mushy things, and all that?"

His head turned towards you, a moment of silence filling the air with eyes drilling into yours, revealing a sincerity that tugged at your heart. "I definitely can."

[lowkeyremi]

Choso who went into battle not knowing if he'd ever see you again. You knew this as well as he did, but he didn't want you to worry so he tried to comfort your mind.

"When I get back you gotta make me one of those cakes with the strawberries in it. I'll be thinking about it the whole time." He's hugging you, your head resting on his chest, tears from your leaky eyes stain his shirt.

"Don't go." Is all you can say. For some reason your heart is telling you that this is the last time you'll ever see your husband. This isn't just an assumption either, it's a very, very strong feeling inside of you.

"Baby. You know I have to.." His cold hands rub up and down your back, the coldness reminds of you of death.

"But.. what if this is our last time together?" He freezes completely, even his breath stops for a few seconds.

"I promise you, honey, this will not be our last time together." Choso leans down to meet your lips in a kiss, this kiss held so much slow, raw emotion. His hands caressed the back of your head and you felt more tears roll down your face.

"Choso! We gotta get goin'!" Yuki says tapping her foot impatiently. You have nothing against Yuki, but at that moment so much hate builds up inside of you- she's trying to take him away from you. She's trying to bring him closer to death.

"Choso please..." It's desperate and whiny, your voice cracks upon the last syllable. He gives you one last tight squeeze before muttering a, "I'll see you later baby."

The worst part about the departure is he doesn't look back, but you don't blame him. If he had looked back at your weepy eyes, he probably would have stayed instead of fighting for Japan.

Over the months of his absence you grow bitter, hateful, and quiet. Rarely do you talk anymore so when you hear your own voice it sounds foreign. Even your closest friends can't bring you out of the house without you bursting into tears, because the same door you walk out of is the same door he left out of.

"[name] you have to get out of here, you're going to spiral sooner or later," Your best friend mutters for the nth time.

"I'M NOT LEAVING! THIS IS ALL I HAVE LEFT!" You scream out. Regret instantly washes over you. "I'm-"

"I know you're hurting, don't worry about it." They say in a calming manner.

"I just- it's been two weeks since he's called me. Two. Weeks." Your best friend joins you on your couch, the same couch you and your husband have had many movie nights on.

"I know you're worried, [name]. About him, about your future, about everything... and I'm not going to tell you to be optimistic about the whole thing because it's 50/50 but I do want you to stay strong. It's what your husband would want, right?" They're right, if Choso were here he would tell you to push through and stay strong like you always do.

"Okay- fuck- alright. I'll go put some different clothes, let's get out of here. I haven't left in a long time."

The call came a month later. It was Yaga, he didn't sugar coat it, not that you wanted him to anyway.

"I'm sorry for your loss." It hurts when you hear those words being said to you over the phone. Your ears get a fuzzy feeling your vision blurs, and you start to hyperventilate.

"[name]? [name] are you there?" Everything went dark after that.

Trying to cope was the worst part of it all. Yaga had called you a couple of weeks later saying his body was so mutilated that they couldn't bring it back to bury him properly.

Now, you truly have nothing left, well, technically you have all the things he's given to you over the years, but you don't have him.

You went to therapy, you went to stay with your family, none of it worked. All you could think about was the last time he held you, his body was warm but his hands were cold to the touch.

As much as it hurts, your therapist has suggested moving out of your house because your pain is still raw and being in the house will bring up painful memories. Of course you refuse, why is everyone trying to take away what you have left of your husband?

In your bed was a picture of Choso, one you'd always keep with you when you missed him horribly. As you lie down for the night, you hug the picture tightly while tears silently fall from your eyes. At this point you don't even make sound anymore when you cry, it's just tears.

Ultimately, Yuji was the one to help you start your healing process. When everything had faded he came back, in rough shape might you add, but at least he was back. Instead of going to see all his friends when he returns, he goes to see you.

When he knocks on your door you assume it's your friends or a family member coming to get you out of the house. Seeing Yuji at your front door was very unexpected on your part. Before you can even get a sentence out he's squeezing you in a bone crushing hug.

"Choso told me to give you a hug for him. It was the last thing he asked for." His softly spoken words meet your ears. Almost immediately you squeezed Yuji tighter, "Thank you ,Yuji..."

"I know that you've known him longer than I have but.." he pauses, "his death hurt me just as much, and shit- I'm not gonna lie and say everything will be okay or everything will go back to normal, but I will say that he wants us to continue on even when it's rough."

Yuji's words sink into your brain and your first thought is selfish 'he wouldn't want me to keep going without him'. After a few seconds of rethinking you agree with Yuji, Choso was a fighter and he pressed on for what he believed, and yes, he would want you and his brother to do the same.

[who-is-page]

I've seen (typically older) therians talking about how they feel that their subculture as animal-people and nonhumans is slowly disappearing. This is a point that, in all honesty, I'm inclined to agree with-- although I think I'd perhaps frame it less as "disappearing" and more as just "changing."

Because let's be honest with ourselves here: is the subculture actually vanishing, or is it just evolving into radical new dimensions as excited newbies join and find different focal points for their nonhumanity? As they express themselves in whole new dimensions and ways, as they explore a digital landscape that didn't exist ten, twenty years ago? As the older members lose touch with the newer members, and no one bridges that gap between the two?

I think I'm also extra frustrated because when I see these discussions go down, a lot of the time they're either 1) self-pitying, or 2) finger-pointing.

It's not bad or wrong to look around and realize that the community you found comfort in has changed in ways you could have never predicted and which leave you feeling off-kilter. But approaching these changes with a complete lack of curiosity, with an absolute woe-is-me sort of perspective, where you drag your feet and glare bitter daggers at everyone else, isn't the way to do anything.

And going around trying to pin blame on whoever happens to be at hand is an even worse way to approach it. "It's the furry fandom's faults!" "It's the alterhumans' faults!" "It's the humans' faults!" Who does this approach realistically help? What does this do, beyond ostracize people and make whoever is saying it feel temporarily vindicated in their solitude, in a vicious cycle where they never step out of their ivory tower and always use how alone they are as "proof" that they're right?

I think having discussions about the ways the subculture has changed is extremely worthwhile. But I think that they're at their best when enthusiasm over sharing takes a main, central point. When you see people excitedly telling others about Werecards for the first time, or when you get to introduce someone to the concept of personal websites and webrings, or when you link someone who's only just starting to learn that there's others like them to old and new groups and forums alike. These are the ways you keep those traditions alive, these are they ways you get people both informed of and really excited about them.

And like, maybe I'm just cheesy and optimistic, but building bridges is way more fun than building walls! And more than that, I also think it's fundamentally something that's significantly more helpful and productive. I'm always so hype when I see community projects taking off that involve connecting many different people, especially if they're centered on a specific group or identity, but I also think that those sorts of things are how we keep a community healthy and moving, how we avoid things getting stagnant and rotting away.

I've said it before in past essays I've published and I'll say it again: alterhuman communities survive through their internal momentum. We're still around and kicking because we're a bunch of opinionated, passionate animals and objects and entities and people and concepts and and and-- this is what we are! This is how we all, both together and individually as separate groups, continue to be around. We write. We argue. We dance. We leave tracks. And then others see all those things, months or years down the line, and they know they're not alone. They know that it's okay to join in around the campfire, and they end up leaving their own tracks, and the cycle repeats.

So I guess what I'm saying here is that I'm not just beseeching people to create, but I'm asking you to create with others. To extend that paw towards the people around you in your immediate community spaces and wider, and to realize that yeah, the digital grains of sand and time might erode and change the landscapes we're all in, but we can still have a damn good time exploring the new nooks and crannies around us and showing others our old hidey-holes and favorite spots to watch the sun set.

[timesomewhere]

in honour of the West End's next to normal closing today I've finally proof-read my 'things I noticed/general thoughts' post that's been sitting in my drafts since I saw it earlier this month. it's very long I'm very sorry.

Act One:

it was really fun watching this show in September given that there's two references to it in the first song

I adore the monologue about the pills that Dr. Fine gives during 'Who's Crazy'. it's rhythmic and funny yet also unnerving. It's such a quick and impactful way to summarise what Diana has been through for the past 16 years

Gabe does a 'one of your French girls' pose on the kitchen counter under the cabinets during 'My Psychopharmacologist and I'

Jamie Parker made direct eye contact with me during the last part of 'Who's Crazy' and it was one of the most intense experiences of my life

I might just be dense but I don't get the point of the neon sign that says 'Fine' which drops down during the Dr. Fine scene. Initially I thought that then one would drop down saying 'Madden' during his scenes to help people differentiate between the doctors but then it didn't so it just feels like a weird extra prop

speaking of random props, shout out to the iPad on the table in the opening scene which Gabe pretty much instantly takes away after telling Diana that she shouldn't obsess over tragic news stories and is then never seen again as far as I remember

Dan in the flashback scene being such an optimist about Diana's pregnancy and the future they're gonna have together... soul-crushing

Caissie Levy's 'I Miss The Mountains.' Holy Shit.

I love how Diana and Gabe are the only characters who sing on/stand on the table. it's as though it's this extra dimension of the house that only they have access to and it's a really neat and subtle way to show that they relate to each other in ways other characters don't

'It's Gonna Be Good' is so underrated. Jamie Parker's somewhat genuine optimism becoming optimism-through-gritted-teeth is incredibly acted

The way Jamie delivers the first line of 'He's Not Here' is devastating. the heaviness of that moment as you feel the audience around you realising what's just happened is something I'll remember forever

Gabe body-blocking Dan from Diana during 'I Am the One' is such good staging. People talk about how Jack Wolfe plays Gabe with a lot of layers and a lot of simultaneous contradiction and this song is one of the best examples of that. how Jack manages to project a character who is goading his father and protecting his mother at the same time is beyond me

also Jack has maybe half-an-inch on Jamie which obviously isn't something the actors control but it does makes Gabe seem just that bit more threatening when he's getting in Dan's face

for the first part of Superboy and the Invisible Girl when it's just Natalie singing, Gabe is actively laughing. He's totally unperturbed by her efforts to make herself seen to her mother. it's only when Diana replies, particularly when she says "you're our little pride and joy, our perfect plan" that you see his face drop and you see him trying to figure out a way to stop her from getting Diana's attention which then results in him kicking her off the melody in her own song

"I'll hurt you" being directed at Dan and "I'll heal you" being directed at Diana as Gabe gently touches her face gets me so bad. but the most painful part of 'I'm Alive' for me is when Gabe looks at Dan as he says "I'm the perfect stranger who knows you too well." that's the first time you realise that perhaps Gabe doesn't just impact Diana, and there's something much larger at play

Caissie and Jack W's voices harmonising on 'Catch Me I'm Falling' was one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Their voices are so magical together and their mother/son chemistry is incredible

The 'I Dreamed A Dance' into 'There's a World' sequence is one of the most tragically beautiful things I've ever witnessed. I went into the show knowing what Gabe was trying to achieve during 'There's A World' and yet Jack's voice is so beautifully haunting you totally forget you're supposed to root against Gabe in that moment

Jamie Parker's 'I've Been' is some of the best acting through song out there. Interestingly my friend and I had very different interpretation's of what Gabe's horrified reaction to the blood meant. I viewed it as him being upset about what he convinced Diana to do - he doesn't like seeing her hurt. Whereas my friend saw it as him being angry at himself that she didn't manage to follow through, meaning that he has failed to regain control over her life

'I'm no sociopath, I'm no Sylvia Plath. I ain't no Frances Farmer kind of find for you' is one of the best musical theatre lyrics of all time. I genuinely don't know why I Miss The Mountains is the 'big song' known from N2N over 'Didn't I See This Movie?', it's just so good

Natalie's 'She trusts you!' line is heartbreaking, I was basically watching that entire scene through my fingers because of how high the emotion was

Act Two:

'Pfizer's woman of the year' will in fact be peak comedy every time. Eleanor's delivery is *chef's kiss*

Gabe having just one line in 'Wish I Were Here', and that line being 'Wish I were here.' Yeah. I feel very normal about that.

Natalie's line of "Can I hide my stupid hunger, fake some confidence and cheer?" being pretty much exactly what Gabe has done throughout the entirety of act 1

"And you're not a scary rockstar anymore" got one of the biggest laughs at both of the shows I went to

Dan's desperation during 'Better Than Before.' He is simultaneously trying to cajole Diana into remembering and get Natalie to be more positive. This one song really highlights how he's being pulled in a million different directions while trying to hold it all together and Jamie portrays that so well

Aftershocks. Wow. The way the last word of each line echoes throughout the theatre is great sound design. I've been in exam halls louder than the audience during that song. Holding a room that captive as a silhouette is quite the feat Jack Wolfe you will always be famous

"I don't know where the fucking pieces go" as Diana pushes things off the table as if there's a real jigsaw there that she's rage quitting and choosing to give up on is such a nice detail

"Have you talked of your depression, your delusions and your son?" The gasp in the theatre both times was sickening

the response of "good' in reply to "name?" when technically that was part of his name as they are the "Goodmans". I don't really have a point here I just think it's neat

The 'It's Gonna Be Good" reprise was one of my favourite Dan/Diana moments. Caissie and Jamie are really pushing each other to their emotional limits and they handle it so well

The first "Why stay?" is so fragile as Diana sits against the kitchen island. Also interesting given that Dan and Gabe will also sit against there later when they are at their lowest point in the story. The idea of the characters crawling to the 'centre/heart' of the home when they are at their weakest

"This is one old game that I can play so well" is the line that has stuck the most with me throughout the show. Jack's delivery of it while striding across the kitchen table - seemingly totally invincible - is crazy.

how Caissie manages to deliver "you shrugged and said that no one really knows" with humour and desperation at the same time is amazing

When Gabe and Diana stand on the table and if they let go of one another they'll fall. yeahhhhh.....

Gabe's realisation that Diana isn't going to give up on getting better. Totally collapsing in on himself and beginning to cry. How you manage to feel bad for him after all the destruction he's caused is wild

Diana's "maybe I'm tired of the game" relating back to Gabe's "this is one old game that I can play so well"

the lyrics in 'Hey #3' clearly reflecting things Diana has done, Henry cutting Natalie off at "bleeding in the bathtub"

"I am the one who'll heal you" being said to Dan not Diana this time

"Why didn't you go with her?" is the most devastating line in the whole musical I said what I said. Jamie's delivery of it is heart wrenching

the drums and bass kicking in for the loud part of I Am The One as Gabe becomes desperate to be seen once again

Jack and Jamie's acting in this moment is so intense. there's a moment where it's genuinely feels as though only one of them can make it out of the interaction alive

Jack's emphasis on the word 'loved' in the line "I am the one who loved you" nearly killed me on the spot. how somebody can deliver a line so desperately while remaining pitch perfect is unfair

Natalie coming in to kiss Dan's head at the start of 'Light' like Gabe kisses Diana's in the first scene. I'm such a sucker for a gut punching

the "And are they real?" line about Diana's parent's from Henry gets such a loud reaction from the audience. Some people laugh immediately, some people clearly get shocked out of their sobs. so good

In conclusion, this is my favourite musical of all time and I'm going to be so annoying waiting for the pro-shot to come out

[neteyamssock]

Not so bad, after all.

╰┈➤ PART VI.

pairing: agedup!Neteyam x Fem!Metkayina!Reader

summary: when neteyam and you met each other for the first time, they were overwhelmed with feelings they have never felt before.

word count: 2.5k

tags: violence, fighting, crying... (idk what else, please tell me if I left something out!)

a/n: unedited! rough draft straight from gdocs. i promise i'll revise this series once i finish it huhu. feedbacks is very much appreciated! thank you very much 😘💜

text divider credits to @/enchanthings

masterlist

part v | part vii (end)

It was one bright morning when you visited Ronal’s marui, seeking her out. Although the older woman was surprised that you were actively seeking her, she didn’t think too much about it and let you in. The tsahik and olo-eyktan’s marui is the largest marui in awa’atlu, the most intricate and grand, with decorations that represents the couple’s authority in the clan. You roamed your eyes inside and remembered how aonung would often say that once the two of you mated, he’d build one bigger than his parents’ marui.

Your stomach flipped at the thought. You know he doesn’t love you, but unlike you, he’s ready to settle if it means his parents would be happy.

“Why look for me, girl? Is there a bottleneck in your learning?” She beckoned you to sit in front of her, busying herself with her weaving. You didn’t fail to notice the changes in her stomach. The babe in her womb is growing, and its beginning to show in her body.

Noticing your gaze, a small smile graced her lips fleetingly before returning to her usual stoic expression. Caressing her stomach, she good-naturedly said. “You’re also going to experience pregnancy when you mate with my son. So it is good that you’re taking observations.”

You felt your throat getting blocked as you fidgeted, feeling of dread overturning your previous calm thoughts. When you didn’t respond as optimistic as she expected, Ronal’s eyes narrowed. “Why show such a look? Are you perhaps against the idea of getting pregnant right after mating? That’s fine. Both you and aonung are still young—”

“It’s not because of that, Tsahik…” you forced yourself to speak up, afraid of meeting her gaze. You saw her finally put down what she was weaving and looked at you with a scrutinizing gaze. You can feel her sharps dissecting you, trying to see through you.

“Then what? Speak up. Perhaps I could give you some solutions for whatever’s bothering you. This must be the reason you sought me out, am I right?”

You bite on your lip so hard it hurts. Your hand was clenched tight, you wanted to flee. Your resolve is crumbling bit by bit. It’s no secret that you are afraid of the Tsahik. You knew her ability, and knew what she could do. For a moment you considered backing out, but Neteyam’s face appeared in your mind, reminding you what you must do.

And you must do it now. Now, or never.

You never wanted to mate with Aonung. From the moment you learned how to think, you just saw him as a brother. It never once crossed your mind that you’d mate with him, even when your grandfather arranged you with him. Instead of facing the truth, you pretended the arrangement wasn’t real and cowardly hoped everyone would change their mind. Everyone seemed content with it, it was only you who cannot accept it.

“...I came here to express my desire to break my arrangement with Aon—”

“PREPOSTEROUS!” 

BANG!

A small stone jar broke into several pieces in front of you. One grazed your cheek, causing it to bleed. It stings, but perhaps the pain in your heart was a lot stronger. You closed your eyes when Ronal pulled you to stand up roughly.

“What are you saying now, child?! Have you lost your mind?! You cannot easily dismiss an arrangement you worked hard for so many years!”

Before you can even reply, she pushes you roughly, making you stumble a few steps back. You can no longer control your tears as the Olo-eyktan, Aonung, and Tsireya came charging in the marui.

“What is causing all these commotions, Tsahik?” With a loud thunderous voice, the olo-eyktan questioned. At this moment, everyone noticed the commotion and was watching with confused eyes. Aonung and Tsireya were looking at you and Ronal back and forth, trying to decipher what could have led to these confrontations. You cannot look them in the eye, feeling ashamed.

Ronal sneered and pointed at you, voice shrill as she said. “This foolish girl wants to break her arrangement with Aonung! An arrangement approved by great mother Eywa!”

You can hear gasps and murmurs of your clansmen, looking at you with unapproving eyes. You almost wanted to laugh. Eywa’s will? No. The great mother would not be so cruel. You are also her child, she would not force you in a loveless arrangement, would she?

In your peripherals you can see Aonung bowing his head, clenching his hands into fist. You cannot see the expression he’s making, but you know he’s furious. At you, maybe. Tsireya was trying her best to not cry, looking at you with a sympathetic gaze. It makes you feel better, giving you air to breathe. You avoided her gaze and looked back at Ronal and Tonowari with defiant eyes, even more resolute in your decision.

“Is this true, ____?” Tonowari’s jaw tightened, his gaze held disappointment and disapproval.

“Yes, Olo-eyktan. That is true.” You were surprised at how calm your voice is, the conviction in it so palpable as if you have finally found your voice after all those years of being mute.

Tonowari closed his eyes, trying to control his temper while Ronal got even more furious. “Girl, it would do you well to remember that it was your grandfather who begged us for this arrangement! How ridiculous of you to throw all that away for your nonsensical whims!”

You understand Ronal’s anger. Of course she’d be furious, all those years of preparing you to be the next Tsahik would be put to waste, and she’d start all over again. But you’re done with always thinking about others. Of putting everyone’s happiness before yours. At least at this moment, you want to be selfish. You want to choose yourself, even if it means hurting others and yourself in the process.

“Indeed, it was my grandfather who begged for this arrangement. All he wants is to make me happy, but I am not happy, Tsahik. I have finally gained confidence to say that this is not the path for me, and Eywa can bear witness. All those years I remained silent, but I can no longer do that. Not when—”

“It’s Neteyam, isn’t it? You wanted to break the arrangement because you have fallen for an outsider!”

You froze, staring wide-eyed at Aonung as he did the worst thing he could ever do in this situation. Bringing up Neteyam. You knew things would get far more complicated once Neteyam got caught in the issue. All this time you’re treading carefully, hoping not to get Neteyam involved, but Aonung just has to ruin it for you.

“That’s not—” 

“I’ll kill him!” Aonung ruthlessly pushed Tsireya away when she tried stopping him. As you were about to run after him, Tonwari pinned you at your place with just his gaze. You could only shoot Tsireya a begging look before standing back in place. Tsireya shot you a small supportive smile before running after aonung.

“You have fallen for the Sully boy? Don’t try to lie, child. I have watched you grow up, like you’re my own child. So you must tell us the truth.”

“ABSURD! I knew taking in that fam—”

“Tsahik you must calm down, you are with a child.”

Ronal scoffed, turning around in anger. She refused to look at you. Perhaps too disappointed to even spare you a glance. 

You have no choice but to admit it. “Yes. I wish to be with Neteyam, but it is not the only reason why I want to dismiss the arrangement. I do not see Aonung as anything more than a brother. It would be unfair for Aonung if I force myself into this arrangement without my heart in it.”

“My son is will be an excellent man, I'm sure you'll learn to adore him when he becomes a man. You—”

“My decision is final. Begging the Olo-eyktan and Tsahik to consider my plea.”

Tonowari regarded you with a searching gaze. He had always known you as silent, reserved, and obedient. Someone who would immediately follow orders in silence. At this moment, he’s seeing you in a new light. Seeing your determination and sincerity, he waved his hand. “Are you certain of this, _____? Once you let go, you can never get it back.”

You smiled, appreciating Tonowari’s care for you, but you don’t want to go back. Not when freedom is near, almost within your grasp. “I am certain, Olo-eyktan. I will stand by my choice until the end.”

Ronal sneered at your words, glancing at Tonowari, telling him to wake you up from your delusions, but Tonowari avoided her gaze. Instead, he said to you, “I’ll give you an answer soon, but you must tell your grandfather of your plan yourself.”

“Tonowari!” Ronal shrieked, but Tonowari only motioned you to leave as he said. “Leave us, I’ll talk to the Tsahik.”

So you did. With your heart singing in joy, you ran towards Neteyam’s marui, only for your excitement to turn into horror as you saw Aonung being held back by others and Neteyam standing in front of him with bleeding lips.

“You!” Aonung’s furious shout immediately caught everyone’s attention. He was heaving, anger so palpable that everyone quickly backed away from him, afraid of attracting his ire.

Neteyam was standing in front of their marui when he saw Aonung charging at him with a furious expression. His eyes narrowed and was about to ask what’s his problem when Aonung approached him and...

SMACK!

“Woah woah woah! What are you doing?!?”

Jake immediately pulled Neteyam behind his back as Neteyam’s ears buzzed, cheek and the corner of his lips stinging. Aonung had slapped him hard enough for his head to turn. Hearing the commotion, Neytiri, Kiri, Lo’ak and Tuk had also emerged from the marui, standing behind Jake and Neteyam with sharp eyes. Seeing Neteyam’s bloodied lips, Neytiri hissed at Aonung. 

“You fish  lips! How dare you hurt my brother!” Lo’ak angrily shouted, planning to teach Aonung another lesson when Neteyam pulled him back. Although unwilling, Lo’ak shook his head and glared at Aonung as he stepped back. 

Neteyam gave his mother a glance, telling her he’s fine and he can handle it. Although worried, Neytiri took a step back and took Kiri and Tuk’s hand into hers,  allowing Jake and Neteyam to take control of the situation. 

It is clear to Neteyam what that slap meant. The reason why Aonung is so mad at him, as if ready to murder him any second. It was your face that appeared in Neteyam’s mind, your promise to him in your secret place. He closed his eyes and let out a laugh, joy filling his heart instead of anger. The pain in his cheek faded. It’s all worth it, because Aonung’s presence here only means you have made your move and fulfilled your promise to him. 

Neteyam’s laughter seems to provoke Aonung as he begins cursing, trying to hit Neteyam. Jake on the other hand looked at his oldest son, incredulous. Did he just laugh after getting slapped?

“This is between me and your son, Toruk Makto! He must fight me!”

“Dad, let me handle this. This is something I must do.”

Jake’s jaw tightened, when Neteyam motioned for him to step back, he hesitated. Neteyam had to urge him again before he stepped away, still worried about Neteyam. 

Neteyam stood face to face with Aonung, chin held high as he regarded that other man, not afraid to meet his furious eyes. “Let’s talk, brother.”

“I am not your brother!” Aonung hissed as he delivered another slap, but Neteyam dodged it easily. Seeing him unscathed, Aonung launched another hit but Tsireya had also arrived, pulling Aonung back with all her strength. “Aonung, stop! You must not resort to violence!”

“Let go sister! I must teach this kurkung a lesson!”

Tsireya cried out when Aonung accidentally elbowed her. Lo’ak seeing his girl being hurt, almost went forward again, but was glared at by his mother. Seeing Tsireya struggling, their clansmen finally regained their senses and held the flailing metkayina successor. Aonung hissed angrily at his captors, regretting that he lost focus a moment for hurting his beloved sister.

Finally held down, Aonung was no longer flailing as hard as before, but was still glaring daggers at Neteyam. The latter merely wiped his lips with his hand, not caring about the sting, seemingly in cloud nine.

“Tell us boy, what is the reason for your anger? What did my son do to get such a reaction from you?” Neytiri’s ears were pinned back, tail swishing side by side. She's displeased that her son got hurt when they didn't even have a clear idea of what warranted that slap. 

Aonung huffed, pointing at Neteyam with a vicious snarl. “He stole my mate! He stole ______ from me!”

Silence. For a moment, the breeze and the waves are the only noises that can be heard, before everyone breaks into a myriad of reactions. Jake closed his eyes as he groaned, feeling a headache coming. Neytiri merely sighed, having been aware of her son’s relations with you. Kiri muttered up a few “what the fuck”, Lo’ak nudging his brother with a triumphant grin, and Tuk who looked a bit confused.

Neteyam cleared his throat. “Aonung, calm down and listen to me. She’s not your mate yet. You haven’t made tsaheylu before Eywa. She also told me that you do not desire each other, and are merely fulfilling your duties to the clan. Now that she wants to dismiss the arrangement, you must respect her ideas. Whether it's me, or any other man, you must allow her to choose.”

Aonung sneered,  shaking his head as he started laughing uncontrollably. Tears began falling from his eyes as he stared at the sky. Whispering he said, “What does she even know about what I feel for her? She knows nothing! You hear me? She knows nothing!”

At this moment, Neteyam’s chest tightened. A sense of foreboding from the depths of his mind. His doubts that he tried to deny began surfacing again. “What do you mean by that?”

Before Aonung could say anything, you came running towards Neteyam’s side, shaking as you examined him all over. When you saw the bruise on his face, the tears you have been trying to control fell freely. Pain eroded your heart as traced his wounds with your fingers.

Seeing you, the panic in Neteyam's heart settled. He held you close in relief as he said, “I’m fine, ocean girl. Do not cry, for it makes me want to cry too. Shush, I’m fine.”

Looking at his solemn eyes, you nodded and took a deep breath. You wiped your tears and turned towards Aonung. He wasn’t looking at you, tears still falling from his eyes. It hurts you to see him like this, for Aonung has never shed tears all his life. You hurt him. You betrayed his trust, broke the promise the two of you made. 

But it must be done.

Walking towards him, you took his hands and held them tightly. It made him look at you, but you cannot read his eyes. “Aonung, I know what I did is something that cannot be easily forgiven. I threw all the grace that you and your family had given me, but I know in my heart that I do not regret what I did, and will never regret it for the rest of my life. I just want you to understand.”

He stared at you for a long while, taking in your features. You looked at him with pleading eyes, hoping he’d understand where you are coming from. 

“You’re so selfish, ______.”

“I’m sorry, Aonung. I truly am.”

“I do not need your apologies, _______. A broken trust cannot be mended by simple apologies.”

Wrenching his hands from your grasp, he pushed everyone away, not once does he ever look back. You stared at his back and sobbed as Neteyam took you in his arms silently, warm hands cupping your face as he wiped your tears with his thumbs.

“Hush now, ocean girl. We're still far from being done. You still have to face my family.” He teased, smiling at you as he pressed a kiss on your forehead. 

“Shut up, skxawng. I’m having a moment and you ruined it.”

Laughing, he shrugged. “I can’t just watch a pretty girl cry y’know? Makes me want to cry too.”

A/N: screaming crying punching kicking— ahhhhh last chapter remaining! this series has a lot of holes i have to mend after i finish the last chapter. but it's a rough draft so it's expected. anyways, feedback is very much appreciated! thank you very much, mwah!

[apocalypseornaw]

Prove It (Pt 2/5)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Dean comes home to find you gone

Dean was leaning against the bar when he saw Sam come back inside. He'd went to call you so you wouldn't be worried that they weren't back yet. The look on Sam's face had him pushing away from the bar and meeting him halfway "What's wrong?"

Sam looked down at his phone which was still in his hand before asking "Dean did you do something to Y/N?" Dean shook his head slowly, "What do you mean?" "She said she didn't give a damn when you got home and hung up on me"

The moment of realization hit Dean like a brick wall "Sammy, I fucked up"

The entire drive home Dean and Sam took turns trying to call you. You must have turned your phone off after a while because it had gone from ringing to the voicemail "If you have this number you know who this is and what to do so there's the beep"

"I can't believe I forgot" Dean said for what felt like the thousandth time. You had told him, you'd fucking told him that you were planning a surprise. What the hell kind of shitty boyfriend was he if he couldn't even come home for the surprise? Or remember it for fucks sake.

"She's just turned her phone off to get some sleep. Her feelings are hurt but she'll forgive you" he knew Sam didn't even believe himself at that point. You did everything for both of them, had for years. You were Sam's best friend and Dean was head over heels yet between the two of them they couldn't manage to rub two brain cells together to remember such an important date.

You deserved to be pissed, you deserved to ignore him. You deserved so much more than to be forgetten. "SON OF A BITCH" he slammed his hand on the steering wheel seeing Sam flinch slightly.

"It's gonna be ok Dean" Sam tried but he shook his head "and if it's not?" He asked and Sam didn't even attempt to lie or come up with some optimistic twist. Sam knew him, he knew that you had pulled him out of such a dark place even long before the two of you had gotten together. You'd been in their lives for so long, the only constant, the glue when they tried to fall apart. They'd you for granted, Dean had taken you for granted and the thought of losing you was too much.

Dean walked into the bunker and until that moment he'd never realized just how loud complete silence was. There was no music playing marking where you were, no sounds of pages flipping if you were reading, no water running for a shower and most of the lights were off leaving the entire bunker lit in that eerie blue color the auxiliary lights let off.

"Check your room, I'll check the garage for her car" Sam told Dean and patted his shoulder before walking off. Dean knew without checking the room, without seeing if your car was in the garage without any other confirmation but the heavy weight in his stomach. You were gone.

-----------

Dean walked into the room he shared with you and immediately noticed your jacket gone off the hook next to the bed. He didn't have to check dressers, they'd be empty. Your boots were gone from next to the bed.

On the table in the corner of the room sat a dark green gift bag, next to it was a covered pie and a card with his name written in your handwriting.

He walked over and picked up the card. When he opened it he sat down on one of the chairs and began to read. You'd poured your heart out onto the page saying how much you loved him and how important it was to you that he knew he deserved to be celebrated and how happy you were with him.

By the time he was through reading he had to lay the card down and close his eyes from the flow of emotions. He'd let you down, the one person you should always be able to count on and he hadn't been there for you. "Dean?" He opened his eyes to see Sam standing at the door. "She's gone Sammy"

He looked at the gift bag and pulled it closer to look inside. A signed led zeppelin album. He laid it back into the bag then opened the pie, apple. When Sam noticed what he was doing he motioned to the hall "There's steaks potatoes and grilled vegetables in the fridge"

"She made all my favorites. She chased down an album that probably took her weeks to get her hands on. She sat here waiting for me to come home to celebrate the last six years we've been together and I couldn't even do that for her" Dean laid his head back against the wall. "I gotta find her Sam. I got to try to make up for this, to show her just what she means to me"

Sam nodded "I'll start making phonecalls to see if anyone's seen her" Dean nodded, his mind imagining you sitting there waiting for him. The excitement giving way to worry then to betrayal. How could he forget?

@lacilou @suckitands33 @lyarr24 @decadentstrangernacho @nix-rose @irgendwas122 @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @tas898 @fluff-lover

[kitashousewife]

rooftops

an: i just got hit with this little idea idk what's going on lmao but i was inspired by rooftops by surfaces!

pairings: timeskip!tsukishima x fem!reader

warnings: anxiety, childhood friends to lovers, food/drink and eating mentions, he is a mommas boy i decided

-

tsukishima huffs as soon as he hangs up the call, resisting the urge to throw his phone onto the breakroom chair. another apartment rejection, making that the fourth one this week. his fingers rub his eyes beneath his glasses as he accepts defeat once and for all.

after his shift today, he will be driving himself and his many boxes of belongings in his car back to his childhood home. for how long? he's not sure.

that's the worst part, in his opinion.

the lease was up for the apartment that he shared with yamaguchi. sure, he could've renewed and stayed for another year. but he just needed a change. for the last few weeks, the two boys had spent every evening researching different apartments closer to their jobs without any luck. any place that did have availability was conveniently snatched up before they could press send on the application.

kei drives home that afternoon with a weird feeling in his stomach. a mix between nostalgia and disappointment that only gets stronger as he drives into town. the late spring brought blooming trees and swaying flowers, welcoming him back home again. when he pulls into the driveway, though, he feels tired.

besides his housing search, he recently lost out on a great promotion at work. he wasn't too torn up about it until he learned that it was because he was too committed to volleyball. yet another time when his interests and reality butted heads. he's been having some tougher practices lately, exhausting his body as well as his mind.

"hi mom," he mumbles, ducking his head as he opens his car door. "i'm sorry about all of this. i'll be out as soon as i can."

his mom only smiles, reaching in to grab a couple of his boxes.

"you can stay as long as you would like. besides, how lucky am i to have my son home again?" she kisses his cheek while he bends down to grab a few things, and he shakes his head despite the smile tugging at his lips.

"what happened with this last place?" she asks, setting the boxes down in his childhood room, dusting her hands off.

"who knows. they called me during my break but they didn't give a reason," kei sighs. the weird feeling bubbles in his stomach once more as he takes in his old room. "at this point i think they have it out for tadashi and i."

"maybe it just isn't meant to be!" his mom says over her shoulder as they go downstairs for the last few things. kei rolls his eyes at that. ever the optimist, his mom.

"how is she?"

he shuts the door to his car and rolls his eyes once more, but this time his mom just laughs.

"she's fine. still working, i suppose."

as soon as the two of you started dating, kei tried his best to keep his mom in the dark in hopes of avoiding her teasing. it didn't work, of course, she found out the day of from your own mom.

the one downside of being childhood friends.

it had only been a few weeks, navigating the now romantic side of your relationship, but everything felt right. it felt safe.

"you should have her over tonight! i would love to see her."

"i'm sure you would," kei says from behind his water glass. "she's probably tired, though. maybe this weekend."

his mom blinks at him from across the kitchen counter.

"what."

"you haven't told her."

he throws his head back. "no, mom, i haven't. what am i supposed to say? oh by the way i moved back in with my mom?" when he sits upright, he's met with a bowl of pork and rice.

"kei, you're being ridiculous. for one, you guys have known each other for what, fifteen years?"

"seventeen."

"fine, seventeen years. she's probably been here more times than you could count. plus, you and i both know she wouldn't say anything. she loves you no matter what."

as he chews, he thinks that his mom is probably right. but what if she isn't? besides, what woman wants to be with someone that still lives with their mom?

"i think i'm going to unpack. thanks for the food mom."

he trudges up the stairs, looking at the photos that line the walls. framed school portraits, other small photos like the one of him and akiteru in the backyard with superhero capes, and of course the framed photo of you and kei at the school dance your third year. when he gets into his room, he flops onto his bed the same way he did a few years before. he lifts his head to look out the window and smiles.

are you off work? i'm at my moms if you want to stop by.

he stares at the ceiling for a few minutes, contemplating unpacking when you text back.

i would love to :)

you got off work around 5, stopping at your place to change when kei texted you. your apartment is only a short walk from your old neighborhood, so you decided to enjoy the nice weather and walk over.

while you walked, you thought about how far the two of you had come. growing up in the same neighborhood with moms who became best friends meant you spent a lot of time with kei and akiteru. running through the sprinkler while your moms gossiped over lemonade, trick or treating with tadashi, and of course birthday parties. your friendship continued through school and college, late nights sprawled out on the couch while tadashi and kei held smash tournaments, sunday afternoons studying at your kitchen tables, and of course volleyball games.

you laugh to yourself, thinking about how your teenage self would react to hearing that the two of you are now dating, not just friends but something much more. magical and comfortable all at the same time.

"hey."

you look around the front of the tsukishima home, but your boyfriend is nowhere to be found.

"up here."

"kei? what the heck are you doing?"

sitting on the flat part of the roof beneath his bedroom window, your boyfriend leans back on his elbows. sitting in the same spot the two of you have sat hundreds of times before.

"what took you so long? that snail at the end of the driveway made it three laps around by the time you got here."

"i walked. what are you doing up there?"

he smirks. "come up and find out. mom knows you're coming."

you walk in through the front door, greeted by his mom before running up the stairs and to the right.

"what's the surprise?" you climb out of his window, grabbing his hand that he offers you before sitting down.

"nothing. just wanted to sit up here. the sun should be setting in a bit."

you hum. "what's brought you to your moms?"

kei doesn't say anything, but he grabs his hand in yours. his lack of response makes you raise an eyebrow.

"kei?"

he sighs. "i moved back in," his voice is quiet and mumbled, but he stares straight ahead. the sunset light making his freckles stand out on his cheeks. you're sure his eyes are bright and golden, but he wont look at you.

"well, you'll be closer to me," you nudge his side and he snorts, still looking forward. "but that's okay. wanna talk about it?"

"there's not much to say," he turns to you now. you can tell he's embarrassed. his cheeks are a little pink, matching the tips of his ears. he lets out a tired sigh. "our lease was up, but every single place we applied to has turned us down. we had to be out of there so i came home," like a child dies on his tongue. you're playing with his fingers in your lap.

"and tadashi?"

kei smiles. you can't help but wonder about your friend. you've always been this way, worrying about everyone else first.

"he's staying at his parents as well."

he feels extremely relaxed, every nervous feeling dissipating as the sun sets. his mom was right, but he'll never tell her that.

"how long are you staying?"

his fingers take his glasses in hand, twirling them for a second before turning to you. a sight you don't see as often as you'd like.

"until i find somewhere to stay is my guess. a week, maybe more. i just hate this," he covers his eyes, now laying back fully against the shingles of the roof. "seriously embarrassing."

"says who?"

he peeks at you through his fingers. "everyone."

you stare ahead towards the sunset again. your thoughts go back and forth for a minute or so, both of you sitting in silence. the scary thing about your relationship is the same as the best thing: your history. it's amazing because you know each other so well, you've been a part of each other's accomplishments and experiences. but at the same time, one wrong move and that could all go away, turning into only memories.

"i don't think it's embarrassing. you have a mother who loves you and welcomes you home. plus, at least your mom didn't turn your room into storage like mine," you deride, earning a smirk and a snort from your boyfriend. "but if it's that big of a deal to you, why don't you just move in with me?"

you stop, mouth shutting quickly to stop any other words from flying out. your face heats up and you stare ahead, refusing to see the reaction from the man laying beside you.

he's just as shocked as you. he looks up at the pink sky for a few seconds.

"o-okay."

"what?"

he sits up slowly, leaning back on his elbows once more, before slipping on his glasses. he turns to you with a small smile.

"i mean, why not. unless you didn't mean it,"

your eyes go wide. "no, i mean it! i mean, why not. i have the space, it's just me and i have an extra room you could use as an office. plus i already have a bed, and-"

"you're messy though."

you scoff. "i am not!"

he smirks, pulling you closer to lean into his chest. "i should move in so keep an eye on you. keep you from staying up too late. besides, i'm a great roommate. you would be lucky to have me."

you laugh. "i am lucky to have you, you're right."

kei stutters for a moment, before relaxing again. he's still not used to your compliments and flirting, but he can't get enough. he squeezes you a little tighter, kissing the top of your head.

"when can i move in?"

"monday? that way you can spend the weekend with your mom?"

he hums. "i like that plan."

the two of you sit on the roof for a while longer, watching the rest of the sunset in peace. kei feels happier, so excited to finally have somewhere to call home. he's actually thought about this for a while, coming home to you after a long day, going to bed with you and waking up to do it all again. being there for you when you’re sad, no longer relying on facetime or a quick call.

but for now he will enjoy the weekend, pretending to be young again.

he won’t admit it, but he’s also glad to live so close to home. but he can’t let his mom hear that.

[mik0is0bored]

Yu Haibara x Reader

<<Previous••Next>>

Previous: Yuta Okkotsu x reader

Next: Choso Kamo x reader

Description: Yu Haibara x fem!reader

This oneshot has two parts in one; before his mission, and after the mission. Meaning I'll have cut this half, but there will only be one thing for this. (ANGST, MILD GORE(?) TALKS OF DEPRESSION, YOUVE BEEN WARNED)

"I'm going on a solo mission in a few days, y/n!" Haibara said, smiling at you as he played with your medium lengthed hair.

When the two of you were together, he always had or had his hands in your hair. You couldn't get mad at him.

Sometimes, not having a single thought in his mind, it seemed like, but he was so adorable, bow could you get upset with him?

But of course, he wasn't a complete idiot, he was just sooo optimistic.

You smiled and nodded when he told you about the mission in a few days, but you worried greatly.

You knew Haibara could handle himself. Hell, you've seen him on missions, and he can get shit done, if you say so yourself.

Haibara noticed your worry, furrowing his eyebrows, taking both your hands in his.

"Hey, I'll be alright, don't worry. I'll be back before you know it," he tries to reassure you.

But the both of you knew this was going to be a difficult mission for him. You didn't know what this mission meant for him, but you prayed to every possible diety he'd make it back in one piece.

Haibara released your hands and brought one of his hands the side of your cheek, as you leaned into his touch.

"Please, for the love of god, please don't die. I'll kick your ass in the afterlife if you do." You say, your voice slightly choked up.

Haibara chuckled softly, resting his forehead against yours, your noses touching.

"Y/n, I'll be okay, trust me. I've handled the other missions, I'll be able to handle this grade one curse." Haibara says with a light smile on his face.

Oh, how you loved his smile. It lit up a room, lit up your life. So you could very much say he was the light of your life, despite the both of you only being first years at Jujutsu Tech.

You looked into his deep brown eyes, finding comfort, as he looked into your eyes, seeing the anxiety.

Haibara knew that he couldn't fully make your anxieties and worries go away when it came to him, and he loved that about you, among several other things.

He chuckled softly as he pressed a small kiss to your nose, causing you to smile.

"I love you" he whispered, causing your heart to flutter.

"I love you too"

You hoped and prayed that he would come back.

You stood in the Jujutsu Tech mortuary, biting your lip, almost enough pressure to have your lip bleeding.

He promised. He promised he'd come back in one piece. He promised he'd be alive when he came back.

He promised...

He promised...

He promised...

You didn't believe he was dead. He died.

Yu Haibara was gone.

You didn't want to believe it. You just couldn't. You refused. You couldn't handle the pain, the loss. The guilt.

You stood in the mortuary alongside the other first year, who was yours and Haibara's friend; Kento Nanami, and your upperclassmen, Suguru Geto.

You felt kind of mad Geto was here, but you didn't question it. You weren't in the mood to talk.

You just stared down at his lifeless body, or what remained of it.

When you found out about Haibara's death, you were sitting in your dorm room, reading a book when you got a knock on your door, with principle Yaga on the other end of the door.

"Yu Haibara died." Yaga had said, which had caused your heart to stop for a brief moment. No, it couldn't be true.

But unfortunately, it was.

You flinched when you heard the noise of a chair thrown against the wall.

You turned to the origin of the sound to see Nanami sitting in a chair with a wet towel over his eyes.

You just leaned against the wall.

Mentioned how "what remained of his lifeless body," was that he didn't come back in one piece, which was one of the many promises he broke.

He was cut in half horizontally, at the waist. His face was littered with cuts and bruises, his hair stained with blood.

The cover that covered his body was stained in blood from where he had been cut in two.

Time went on, you lived on, but he was left behind.

There was a cemetery dedicated to Jujutsu students who died on missions and such, and you visited Haibara's headstone every damn day.

Until you mentally couldn't anymore.

Rather than living, you began just going through the motions. Shoving yourself through the routine you had created for yourself.

Upperclassmen Geto had quit Jujutsu sorcerery, according to the other two second years, Satoru Gojo and Ieiri Shoko.

But the leaving of Geto didbt affect you.

Haibara's death did.

You'd see Nanami practically every day, since you both were first years, you had similar missions and training.

You mentally thanked each time you saw him, it felt like each time you guys met up, you both healed slightly, but there would always be a scar in both yours and Nanami's hearts due to the loss of Haibara.

You forced smiles, you forced laughter, and once it was all said and done, you'd go to your dorm room and cry until you fell asleep.

Your mental health got bad. Really, really bad. Each time you went on a mission, you'd wonder if this was the mission that would take you out.

Sometimes, you hoped it would be the last time you took a breath, that you'd die, just to see Haibara's smile again.

Everytime you saw your phones lockscreen, which was Haibara, you had to bite the inside of your cheek. For some reason, even seeing his smile anymore brought you so much pain.

So you changed your lockscreen.

You changed everything about yourself. You changed everything in your room. Everything he touched that belonged to you, you threw out.

The only thing to remember him you had was the photos on your phone and a grey sweatshirt he had.

You wore that sweatshirt whenever you could. To bed, around campus, in the city, whenever you weren't wearing your Jujutsu uniform, you wore his sweatshirt.

You just wanted him back.

Sorry for such an angsty oneshot, I don't see a lot of writings with Haibara either, so more than likely I'll write a less depressing one.

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Sixteen (18)

Day: Friday, April 12th / 13th* Time: 11:45 PM EST

The club is too loud for Neil to hear Andrew's approach, but suddenly Andrew is pressed into his side by the crowd. Roland looks from Andrew to Neil and back again, brow furrowed a bit in badly-concealed concern. Neil realizes then he is looking for a sign they are all right after what he'd let slip back in January. Nicky knows when he is being ignored, and he has no problem interpreting Roland's searching stare. He interrupts his own story to demand, "Don't you dare tell me you knew about them before I did! Oh my god," he says at Roland's startled, guilty look. "Oh my god, you did. How the hell? We just figured it out a couple weeks ago. How long have you known Andrew was gay?" "Are they a 'them' now?" Roland asks instead of answering. His smile is back, wide and pleased, and he stops filling their tray to pour them shots. Ever the optimist, he sets one out for Neil, too. Nicky passes the glasses out and Neil accepts his after a slight hesitation. Roland plucks his own shot up and tips it in a toast. "I'll drink to that. It's about damned time." "It's not something to be proud of," Aaron says. "Hater," Nicky says, and half-turns to make sure Neil isn't pawning his drink off on Andrew. They knock their drinks back as one and Roland collects empty glasses. Nicky points at Roland as he goes back to mixing drinks. "I noticed you avoided my questions, by the way. You're not sneaky. And what do you mean 'about damned time'?" "You can pry that story out of Andrew," Roland says. "Getting answers out of these two is like trying to get a stone to bleed," Nicky says. "It's impossible and I'm about to get my fingers broken for trying. How'd you know? Is your gaydar more advanced than mine is or—" Nicky's jaw drops as he clues in. "Wait. No way. No way! Did you two —?" "Don't," Aaron cuts in. "Just don't. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to think about it. I want to drink and pretend I don't know any of you." "I thought we were friends," Nicky says to Roland. "How could you keep this from me?" "I'm a bartender," Roland says. "I don't spill drinks or other people's secrets. With that one ill-timed exception," he corrects himself with a small grimace at an impassive Andrew. "Sorry about that, by the way. Didn't mean to jump the gun." "Roland, we are fighting effective immediately," Nicky says with a huff. "Maybe you can win my friendship back with enough drinks tonight. Come on, Aaron, let's see if a table opened up."

Art used with permission by Aymmidumps. Thank you @aymmidumps!

*Due to the Leap Year, I have opted to highlight the day rather than the date to keep the events in occurrence to the 2007 year. I will continue to mark both days accordingly.

[hey-august]

It's been a bit, so let's have a life and writing update! ✨

(Spoiler alert: I'm still writing! It's at a slower pace than I'd sometimes prefer, but I'm trying to embrace it.)

Life update:

To start with something that was both obvious to me but also a recent revelation - my irl imposter syndrome has been off the charts and unhealthy. While I thought I was taking care of myself, I was actually giving into the languishing and stagnation.

I knew I didn't feel as comfortable or confident as usual, but I didn't realize there were signs that were becoming obvious to others. Thankfully this came from people I trust and feel supported by. (Of course, now I'm fighting with the thoughts that say "this is proof you're not good enough, because you couldn't do it" and "you are enough, others see your potential and want you to succeed." 😅)

I'm also still digesting something I learned about myself in therapy, which I think contributed to the languishing - I don't share my feelings, including reaching out for help when I need it, because I (falsely) believe that my feelings don't matter.

While I know it isn't true, it's hard to let go of a belief and the wall it created while I was growing up. But I am still growing and I will replace that belief.

There are a lot of other thoughts and feelings I have right now, each with their own ups and downs, but I'm feeling more optimistic and clear-headed. And, finally, ready to reconnect with myself.

This feels like a right moment to bring us to the..

Writing Update:

I'm still writing and I don't plan on stopping. I know I churned out a lot of things much quicker earlier this year. As fun and enjoyable as that was, I think it's time for me to accept that wasn't normal or average for me. 😅 It's not healthy to keep comparing my present to my past.

All that to say, I'm still moving along! Also, one of my favorite childhood books was "The Little Engine That Could," so I'll keep embodying that cute blue steam engine. (But not in a way that will result in burnout. 😌)

Also, I'm going on a weekend trip to check out an Animal Crossing Aquarium Tour, so, uh, I probably won't post much this weekend too.

Alrighty, let's get in a WIP update:

A Line From Me to You is still in the works. I posted a poll and the results were to hold on until it was finished before posting the next part. I might interpret that as "wait until there's more smut," since I have a plan to wrap up this story with more than one steamy session.

...I started a Halloween fic a bit ago. It's mid-November, but I'm afraid that if I stop, I'll never go back to it. The story is like half or two-thirds finished at this point.

I'm thinking of doing a small December event. I have a topic in mind (cough double penetration december cough cough), but I'd like to have some sort of interactive element, while still being able to prepare ahead of time. I'm not completely committed to doing the event yet, but there's one idea that I'll definitely share no matter what. 🤭

I have a few things in my Inbox to get to! One is a request that I have written out, although it'll be in bullet points rather than a full fic. (Maybe I can get that out this weekend...)

CG Carnival. Jeez, this has been fighting me, but I have a good bit written, and outlines for everything else. I feel this story in my bones and I need to let it out.

---

Wow, this turned into a whole LiveJournal update, huh? I guess it's time to wrap it up and get sappy.

Thanks for looking and for all of your support - no matter how visible or quiet it is. Truly, I really appreciate it all. 🩷🩷🩷

Keep caring for yourselves, even when it's hard or uncomfortable. Your feelings matter. Go at the pace that is right for you. And **** the clown.

[waytoobitofunction]

My fav historically accurate Good Omens fics

Ps. I such at summaries or uh explanations. But I loved all of them. That's what I can say.

Aaand I'll keep this updated as I read more. As one should.

1. Do You Know What Eternity Is? By Elderly_Worm

Probably one of my all times favs. Maybe my all times fav. Soooo long, Words: 373,711 Chapters: 606/606, but sooo worth it. Basically Aziraphale and Crowley through the centuries. The historical research 👨‍🍳🤌💋 Didn't really like the end but oh well, felt too rushed, maybe because in the latest centuries so much stuff happens in little time; still 9,9/10

2. DYKWEI extras by Elderly_Worm

What the title says, extended version of some scenes. Can be read as standalones.

3. The Ways We Loved by doyouwannadance

Inspired by DYKWEI. Cute them chatting.

4. Ark Gallery by Olfactory_Ventriloquism

Don't even have words for this one. I mean I have them but they're mostly nonsense like AAAHH CROWLEY... AJVDOSBWP, RELATED TO HIM TOO MUCH, KIKKED MY FEET A LOT AND WANTED TO SCREAM WHILE READING THIS.

5. Quisquis Amat or How am I Going to be an Optimist About This? by Olfactory_Ventriloquism

Set in Pompeii. Uh. Crowley is good with kids. Most of these are btw lol. YEAH LOVELY GO READ IT IF YOU LOVE THE ROMAN ERA.

6. Not Fall But Disembark by Olfactory_Ventriloquism

Short, focused around Aziraphale, loved the writing and also during this one wanted to scream a lot.

7. Literature and Liquor by Tossukka

SO. GOOD. THE JANE AUSTEN MINISODE WE DESERVED.

8. see, how the most dangerous thing is to love by theleftoveryou

This and the following one, cute one shots abt em during the war of Troy. Also lil patrochilles, not really fond of them but cute. Also everything else by this author is short and cute.

I, carrion (icarian)

Found out that there are like 14 with the title inspired by this song, which fair, cuz, IT'S THEIR SONG I LOVE IT SM, but 14 is not so much ykwim...

1. don't fall away from me by cassieoh_draws (cassieoh), ilikeblue

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH. If possible, made me want to scream and/or cry more than the others. Angsty.

Non historical ones:

1. Side Mission by KannaOphelia

Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship. Basically they discover Warlock is not the antichrist two years before than in the serie aaaand go to Tadfield and stuff. I usually don't like this trope but this was cute.

2. Taking Steps by JoyAndOtherStories

Set in the modern day. Crowley and Aziraphale take dance lessons 🕺 💃 🕺 💃 🕺 💃

[triptuckers]

lost and found - ezra bridger

Request: nope Pairing:  ezra bridger x jedi!reader Summary:  along with the remainder of the ghost crew and ahsoka, you're trying to find ezra Warnings:  HEAVY SPOILERS FOR AHSOKA S1!!! im warning u dont read this if u havent seen all of it yet Word count:  1.1K A/N: I survived the war (im posting fics again) but at what cost (brainrot has taken over)

your music is blaring through the speakers of your ship as you're working. though your ship isn't in need of any repairs, you're always finding new modifications and additions to upgrade it. at this rate, it's unrecognisable as the ship you once got from a sketchy dealer on an outer rim planet.

working on your ship is also a way to distract yourself. when you're focused on working with your hands, your mind doesn't wander off.

it doesn't wander off to hera and jacen aboard the ghost. it doesn't wander off to sabine and ahsoka on her T-6 shuttle. but mostly, it doesn't wander off to ezra. you try not to think about the fact hera is on an unauthorised mission, that you haven't heard from sabine and ahsoka in a while which is unlike them, and that you feel like you're not even a little bit closer to finding ezra.

even though you haven't seen him for years, you refuse to believe he's gone. you tell yourself you would simply know if he didn't make it. before you lost him, the two of you shared a strong bond in the force. you figured if something had happened to him, you would have felt it.

but after all of these years, it's hard to hold on to hope. you really want to. but at some point logic has to take over.

though recently, hope has sparked in you yet again. with the map ahsoka found, the chances of finding ezra have increased. you are optimistic again.

but the search hasn't been without danger. even now, you're worried.

which is why you're working on your ship. otherwise you'd just pace around or stare off into the distance with your mind running around in circles getting lost in the "what ifs".

a faint beeping sounds pulls you out of your thoughts. you get up from your position underneath one of the main consoles and get your comm.

'general syndulla for commander y/l/n.' comes hera's voice.

'go for commander y/l/n.' you say.

'hey y/n, where are you right now?'

'just working on my ship in the main hangar back on base.'

'new modifications again?'

'yeah, yeah, I know. "a good ship doesn't need modifications." well, I like them. the ghost could use some upgrades as well, you know.'

'no thank you, my ship is perfectly fine.'

you chuckle as you wipe your hands on your pants.

'have you heard from sabine and ahsoka yet?' you say. 'and when are you coming home from this unauthorised mission?'

'sabine and ahsoka are alright, we're actually on our way now. and we have some news regarding ezra.' says hera.

'you have news on ezra?' you say, unable to hide the relief in your voice. 'do you know how to find him? or where he is? is he okay?'

'we'll talk about it in person. we should be arriving soon.' says hera.

'I'll wait for you.'

'see you soon.'

hera disconnects her comm, leaving you alone with the music again. your mind is racing. they have news on ezra. you knew it, he's still out there somewhere. you're sure of it.

you quickly put the panel of the main console back and tidy up your tools. just as you pause your music and exit your ship, you see the ghost and ahsoka's T-6 shuttle getting closer to the hangar.

you anxiously await them, watching as they carefully land. the shuttle door opens and sabine and ahsoka come out of it.

sabine smiles as you half walk, half run up to them and pull them both into a hug.

'I'm so glad you guys are safe.' you say. 'it scared the shit out of me when I couldn't contact you.'

'we're alright.' says ahsoka, patting you on the back.

you pull back to look at them. they both look tired, but other than that they seem fine. sabine has a twinkle in her eyes and smile on her face.

'what is it?' you say. 'do you know something about ezra?'

'yeah.' says sabine. 'but hera should tell you.'

she points to the ghost, where hera has just exited the ship. jacen follows her, but is looking over his shoulder and talking to someone. at first, you assume it's merely chopper.

but as they walk further down, you see it's not chopper at all. it's a young man. he's wearing colourful robes and has a beard and curly hair.

it doesn't matter he's older than he is in your memories. it doesn't matter he still has the same eyes and the same scar on his cheek. it doesn't matter something in the force tugs on you so strongly, as if it has found its home.

none of it matters, because you would know him anywhere, in any universe, no matter who you are.

ezra. your ezra. talking with jacen as if nothing had ever happened. he's here, he's alive.

a sob escapes your mouth as you take off.

'ezra!' you yell.

you don't even bother to hide the tears as they stream down your cheeks. after all this time, he's finally here.

for a brief second you see his smile before you crash into him. you wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in his neck, holding him impossibly close. you're never going to let him go.

words fail you as you just cry into his shoulder.

you feel ezra's arms around your back and get lost in the feeling. it's all so painfully familiar, as if no time had passed at all. yet you know everything has happened since the last time you saw him.

you slightly pull away to look at him.

ezra is smiling at you just like he did all those years ago. though he's older, he's still the same. still the same kid you met on the streets of lothal.

you reach out and brush a finger over the scar on his cheek.

'you're here.' you say breathlessly.

'I am.' he says.

you'd heard his voice in your dreams and memories and the recording sabine still has. but this is different. it means everything and more to you.

'you're as beautiful as the day I lost you.' you whisper.

'I dreamed of this day.' says ezra. 'thought about all the things I would say to you. it all seemed so simple. but now? I have no idea. nothing seems like the right thing to say.'

'but it is simple.' you say. 'I love you.'

ezra smiles even brighter. 'I love you too.' he says. 'I always knew I would see you again. we have a lot of catching up to do.'

you smile as ezra leans in and kisses your forehead. you'd finally found each other again.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Max/Marit

[mysticwolfshadows]

Taken - Zutara - Part 44

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After Sokka and Aang leave, Toph goes off to see her mother, leaving Katara and Zuko alone. The meetings with the generals won't start until later that afternoon, so they go together to investigate the tile. A flier for a tea shop combined with a Pai Sho tile? It had to be Iroh.

"It's been months since you saw Uncle," Katara mused, the back of her hand brushing against his as they walked. "What are you going to say to him?"

"I don't know," Zuko replied, throat tight.

His Uncle knew he hadn't died during the Northern Seige, but Zuko didn't know what had happened since then. The last he saw, his uncle was leading the armada back to the Fire Nation, and now... What would he be doing in Ba Sing Se? How was he in Ba Sing Se?

When they reached the tea shop, a waitress sat them at a table. Zuko couldn't bring himself to ask after Iroh, unsure of what to say, so they sat and had tea and snacks for a while. When they were finished, and Zuko still hadn't said anything, she reached out to grab his hand, and smiled to the waitress.

"We were wondering," Katara said, slowly. "Well, we think his uncle may have been here. Older man, long white hair and beard. A bit on the larger side?"

The waitress blinks. "Oh, you mean Mushi? He makes the tea. I'll go get him."

Zuko's shoulders sagged with disappointment as the waitress vanished. Mushi. That wasn't Iroh. But Katara squeezed his hand, optimistic, and couldn't help but beam when the kitchen door opened to reveal the man himself.

She watched as Zuko was pulled into a tight embrace, the two holding on so tight she was shocked that nothing broke. They exchanged quiet words, before pulling apart. Then it was Katara's turn.

"It is good to see you both," Iroh chuckled. "I was not sure if my message would reach you, but I'm so glad it did."

"It's good to see you, Uncle," Katara said. "How are you? Where have you been?"

Iroh smiled, telling his boss that he would be stepping out for a while. The man let him, and they followed Iroh to a little apartment above the shop.

He told them about what had happened since he commanded the Armada's retreat. When Zhao had tried to hill Zuko, the mad admiral had immediately sent word to the Fire Palace that Zuko was dead. It worked in his favor, making the retreat expected after what had happened with the 600 Day Seige years ago. Iroh had sent the ships back to where they were meant to be, and returned with the Wani to the Fire Nation. Ozai had been displeased to hear about Iroh's intervention, but hadn't been surprised. Hearing that Zuko was 'dead', Ozai had sent a missive to Azula, who had already left for the Earth Kingdom by the time he returned.

Iroh had been in the Fire Nation for a week, before an assassin tried to kill him. He escaped, and was branded a traitor, blamed for Zuko's 'death'. Using contacts he had made through his travels, Iroh had made a false identity, going to Ba Sing Se where he had hoped to reunite with Zuko when the Avatar came through.

"We could really use you, Uncle," Zuko said. "Your expertise, your guidance... We're planning an invasion. An eclipse is coming, in four months."

Stoking his beard, Iroh nodded slowly. "Yes... It would be best to remove my brother from the throne before the comet. But there is the matter of Azula."

Zuko closes his eyes, tense. Katara reaches out to put a hand on his and he immediately relaxes.

"I can handle Azula." He glanced at Katara, who smiled. "We can handle her."

Iroh nodded, looking rather pleased. "I will do what I can to assist in the invasion. It will be up to you to be ready to take the throne as soon as Ozai is defeated.

"You... You won't become Fire Lord?"

The man chuckled. "No, Prince Zuko. Someone new must take the throne. Someone with unquestionable honor, and a good heart. Only you can restore honor to the Fire Nation." He paused, a wide grin spreading on his face. "But I can see that you will not be doing so alone."

The two teens glance down at their joined hands, and quickly grow bright red. Katara pulls away, putting her hands in her lap as her vision in the swamp came to mind. An older Zuko, offering her a choice, one she can make at any time, that he would accept.

Zuko cleared his throat. "We... should be going. We have a meeting. With the Generals. About... About the Invasion."

Nodding, Iroh smiled and led them out. He'd making a few arrangements, and get back to them. For now, they would have to meet with the generals without him, and come see him again another day. Perhaps early tomorrow, and Iroh could prepare them breakfast.

As they walked back to the upper ring, shoulder to shoulder, the back of Zuko's hand brushed hers. Knowing that Zuko, as anxious and uncertain as he could be, wouldn't be the first to take a step, Katara steeled her resolve. Turning her wrist, she let their fingers slowly slot together. And when, after a moment, Zuko's fingers curled with hers, she smiled.

First / Previous / Next / Masterpost

[ayeliiss]

My two cents on MHA430 and Izuku's character

Disclaimer: this is NOT a hate post against Horikoshi and his manga. Simply, I need to lash my disappointment out somewhere and write my feelings down before I implode. I'm not trying to sound like 'ugh, I know better than them' at all, although I am aware some of my claims may give the 'why does the author think he knows so much?!' vibes, but keep in mind this is just my irrelevant opinion and it won't change anything anyway. So, please, don't come at me with 'lacking reading comprehension' or 'you're coping' (yes, I am) because I feel like fans are allowed to be upset at this ending even if you think differently! To each their own opinion, as long as it's respectful! Also, this might be unnecessarily long so, I apologize in advance.

Discussion about Izuku's character

First of all, if you're satisfied with the ending and what Izuku did/became, I'm genuinely happy for you. Truthfully, I envy you so damn much because I personally couldn't stop feeling empty and crying at night for him, and before you come at me with 'girl, he's fictional, it's okay you'll move on', yes, I know I'm a drama queen and I shouldn't be in one hell of a state for a fictional character, but I can't help it. I've grown as attached to him as I've ever grown to any character before, and there's no turning back. MHA is the first manga that ever moved me this hard and it'll forever remain a masterpiece for me, but it doesn't mean it's not flawed and should be free of criticism (always with respect for Horikoshi's work).

Funny thing is, I didn't even like Izuku when I first met him. He was the typical crybaby and too-optimistic MC I tend to dislike when I read a manga. Yet, the more I read, the more I started to understand him, the more I sympathized with him, and the more I loved him. I realized I related to him to such an outlandish extent, though I know we remain different in the way we act or think. But Izuku, even before Katsuki (and my friends know how obsessed I am with this blond lmao), became my first and greatest over-fixation and my main reason to continue reading/watching MHA. This manga changed my life; Izuku did too, and this isn't an understatement.

Just like him—and probably just like many of us—, I've endured bullying, been made fun of for being different, felt unwanted and hated, been belittled, and treated like shit for most of my teenage years. I think that's what really endeared him to me. I wanted to watch him grow, to watch him make real friends, to watch him receive the apologies and respect he deserved, to see him succeed. I wanted him to realize he was worth it and loved and, oh God, I wish he could know just how much his fans do love him.

And for 200+ chapters, I got what I wanted. Izuku got to live his dream, be around his idol who recognized him, and made new friends who admired him and wanted nothing but to be by his side. Then, the Vigilante arc happened, and everything changed. I won't dwell on the fact that, for me, this arc was the beginning of the decline of his character. It's worth noting though that it's at this precise moment that we've lost track of all his thoughts, but I'll focus on the ending, and how the way Horikoshi handled Izuku's character remains my biggest disappointment.

I sometimes joked with a friend of mine, saying, "Hori's favorite character is Katsuki and it shows so much, he even forgets he isn't his MC!" but I don't think it's much of a joke anymore.

Again, I'm very happy for those who are pleased with Izuku's closure. But, honestly, I can't grasp their process of thinking (I wish I could) because there's no way I can understand how it makes sense. It's not about him being quirkless—actually, I think this choice was cool—, it's about his obvious fucking depression.

After his initial withdrawal, there is never any resolution. He has never talked about his feelings to anyone, never opened up about all the things that bugged him, never taken it out on anyone. He just stopped having development, and never learned how to 'control his heart' (one of the biggest plots of the story, remember???). So, he continues to take everything up on his shoulders by the end of the story, and eight years later, he is feeling lonely, as he says himself:

Yes, I can read, and I know he's also saying he's happy with helping/encouraging other people. But it's literally denial. Izuku is in denial and it hurts me so much. He's alone (I'm not talking about how he's barely seen his friends, I know they didn't abandon him or anything, I'm talking about how he is feeling in general), deprived of his dream, and never got to talk about it to anyone (at least, on-screen. And if it's not shown, then it didn't happen). Even the adults around him don't see he's in pain—or, at least, don't think it's worth addressing. Aizawa can't even simply answer 'yes, you're cool' when Izuku obviously seeks praise and needs nice words after everything he's been through. He doesn't even get fans (except for two, waouh!) after saving the fucking world. He doesn't get a statue, no recognition. Katsuki leads a project for him to get a suit, but not the government? After everything he did? Why isn't he more recognized and acknowledged for his hard work? Killing him would've almost felt like a better choice lol (#it's a joke).

Even if, in the end, he gets to join his friends again and be a hero with them, he's still not opening up. How is it sane/healthy for him???? How will he even be able to maintain good relationships of any kind if there are already so many and huge miscommunication issues?

I hate this—I dislike how it's basically saying 'his feelings weren't that important!'. Izuku deserved better, a better closure. So much is missing from him; from this bitter ending, and I can't find any way to make myself feel better or to cope with it.

I am devastated, I feel empty for him, I just want someone to take him to therapy, to help him.

Some rumors have started to spread, about how 'Horikoshi has been forced to shorten his manga' but I don't believe this—MHA has been SJ's money-maker for a while. And even if it were to be true, the epilogue could've been handled differently. Hori could've focused on the most important parts (that he hasn't even shown/resolved at all) and left the irrelevant ones out (why introduce a new character if not to make us feel hopeful to see Tenko again, lol). He chose to not address the most important aspects of his story (including his MC's resolution and growth) and left us with huge plot holes. And now, we're stuck with our imagination, as usual.

I just can't with 'open endings' and 'it's left to interpretation' stuff. It's too easy to do that. I'm tired of mangakas not taking risks, rushing their own plots, and not digging deeper into their own MCs' traumas. I don't know what happened, but among the many issues left regarding this last chapter, Izuku's conclusion remains my greatest ick. I'm so sorry to say this, but Izuku didn't grow. He never learned from his mistakes and just didn't change—oh wait. Yes, he did change on one crucial aspect—his biggest trait, being obsessed with his childhood friend, totally disappeared! Maybe he started to stop caring about 'Kacchan and the others' and put himself first, to the point of forgetting the said childhood friend died twice for him, who knows? :))) (yeah, I'm especially pissed off at this lol don't mind me).

In my imagination, I see him being a pro-hero who continues to suppress his feelings and continues to act recklessly, to risk his life in the face of any danger that shows up. This is what happens when you leave it to fans' imagination, after all.

I know fanfictions exist, and I'm very happy this unclear ending motivated some writers to challenge their creativity. For me, it had the opposite effect. I'm disgusted, I am angry at Izuku and I know I'll struggle to finish my fics where he's involved because I don't want to deal with his character anymore. I'm too attached to canonical representation.

Man, I'm just devastated. I have no other words. And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. I feel betrayed. Shitted on. I'm dying inside and there's nothing I can do because it's over. Just like this long-ass essay, btw lol. Thank you if you're still here, thank you if you've read this! I'm pretty much open to discussion so if anyone wants to try and reassure me over some aspects or respectfully explain why I am wrong (I know I probably am, yet again those are my own feelings), please don't hesitate to do so. Also, I definitely need friends with whom I could talk about this deeper... so, my DMs are open too if you'd like to!

Much love to Izuku though; one of the best MCs I've encountered in my life, despite how he turned.

[marshallpupfan]

All Good Things...

We've known about PAW Patrol's upcoming new animation style for a while, and although we only had a taste of it before, more and more leaks have given us an even bigger look at it. From what I've seen, most fans seem to like it so far, and to tell you the truth, I do, too! With one exception, I think all the pups look great, and I'll even go as far to say I like these more than the theatrical designs... and especially what Rubble & Crew gave us. Like most fans, I'm eager to see more!

Still, I can't help but feel a little sad. I know I say this often, but, Marshall's my #1 favorite character, and he's been at the top of my list for over five years now. I'm crazy about him, which is why I started these accounts, why I began the whole "Daily Marshall Pics" thing, why I purchased a crazy amount of his merchandise, among other things. It's all driven by just how much I love this pup. And while there are many reasons why I say this, one in-particular is why I'm making this post; his character design.

Marshall's appearance in the above pic is one I came to love over the years. It's also involved in practically everything I do here. My avatar and banner is this Marshall. 99% of my daily pics are this Marshall. Nearly my entire merchandise collection is this Marshall. My Ready Race Rescue poster is this Marshall. That $400+ costume I purchased is this Marshall. Basically, I'm saying that, to me, this IS Marshall. Despite his altered look in Rubble & Crew and the theatrical films, this is what always comes to mind whenever I think of the pup.

...and it's about to go away, huh?

Whether it's later this year or the next, one of the things I love about this Dalmatian will no longer be the same. That simplistic yet wonderful design will soon be replaced, and we'll no longer see it in anything official, such as new episodes, commercials, toy packaging, etc. Outside of repeats, it'll just be... no more.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. Sure, the pups are getting a visual makeover, but they'll still be the same characters, right? And, unless the new season 11 director changes things, no doubt Marshall will still be the same clumsy yet lovable pup that became my favorite way back when. I mean, he looked different in Rubble & Crew, but the other aspects and qualities I love about him were still there! And in the theatrical films... er, never mind that. My point is, I suppose we're technically not losing anything here; just a visual style many of us became so accustom to when we first started watching PAW Patrol, whether it was all the way back in 2013 or later. No doubt some fans might even consider it a bit special to them.

But hey, change doesn't have to be a bad thing! As I mentioned earlier, I do like what we've seen of the new style so far, and personally, I'm feeling quite optimistic about it! Sure, it might take some time getting used to it, but given how often we have to adjust to the pups getting new voice actors, I'm starting to get used to change with this franchise. Besides, as much as I still enjoy the old style and wouldn't mind it sticking around, I'm not going to shun the new or stand in its way. And you know, when I look at the two designs of Marshall side-by-side, I still see a lot of the old in the new, so maybe we should look at this as an upgrade instead of a replacement? Perhaps it's not as much of a goodbye as I thought?

I'm going to hope this new style works out for everyone in the end. However, I'll still miss the old. It stuck with the franchise and its fans for over ten years, so with great respect, I take my hat off for it.

...Of course, the old style will live on through its older fans, and I'm certainly not going to let it go. You'll still see it through my dailies and various edits, of course!